Skin I'm In

Today's Thoughts...

Every so often something happens to remind me that no paradise is paradise untainted, na? Last night had a blast hangin out with friends for the night. We decided to make our way to one of the more happenin clubs in town. As per usu, bouncing around, dancing about, making friends with random tables of folks, passing drinks around between us and our new compadres— a real night on the town. But there’s always something hiding just beneath the surface on these nocturnal jaunts. Always something that nags at the back of my mind when the liquor’s stopped flowing and the cups have gone dry. Suddenly, I look up and I’m all alone. Every single time.

I don’t mean that there isn’t a massive throbbing, pulsating crowd of hip young twenty-something members of the Thai elite bopping and reveling all around, but inevitably whenever I go out with a crowd of my fair-skinned friends, I can’t help notice that I’m quite frequently, almost always, the one getting no kind of play. Not the kind of coquettish play that of course comes to mind, not looking for that per se, but the joyous banter of a dance floor, the witty commentary and jokes of folks just having a good time—almost zilch. Sure I get talked to when I’m asked if my friends are dating anyone, if they like Thai men, where they are from, how long they are here, usually because my mini modicum of Thai is enough to play Hermes and pass the messages along. I get passed drinks just the same because this is Thailand and we don’t discriminate.

But almost never does it happen (unless the new cadre is of the farang variety) that anyone is interested in engaging with me on any, if admittedly superficial, level. So in these moments, I shake my fro bigger, laugh louder, dance harder, and toss back the glasses just a little faster. Coping just fine, really. Not that I blame anyone—who can? In a hemisphere obsessed with bleaching, powdering, unstaining sun-kissed flesh, where is there room for sun-scorched me?

SHEBA
Curly a-fro
Hair not so straight
I bet you don’t love my sassy gait.
I move to a rhythm, yall don’t hear
I shake my hips with women,
But I’m not quite queer.
I watch you and
You watch me
But you can’t make moves
On this Ebony
Delectable Mahogany, skin smooth and fine
Chocolate, Mocha, Licorice divine
If you only knew what’s beneath these layers
Powerful, intellectual, f the naysayers.
So wrapped up in skin so white
Can’t appreciate this hue of night
Powder those cheeks all day long
Translucent, pearlescent, flesh faded and gone.
Doused in the bleach, tryin hard to conceal
Melanin, my best friend, shit's gettin real.
Calumny and lies
That’s all you spread
Typical, predictable
--That book’s been read.
Wish I could teach you just how to see
Black is beautiful.
Black is me.