If anyone knows Thailand, you know that as the self-proclaimed land of smiles, turning that frown upside down is not only a catchy motto, but a life adage strictly adhered to by most Thais you will meet. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not lamented, relished, not despaired of. These past few weeks it has been hard to keep that practice in play. Every few days another friend disappears. It is like graduating all over again. People who were daily staples, you called up for dinner or popped into town with for some market browsing— gone, on planes, buses, trains, thousands of miles away from here. Right now, the grand total stands at a count of seven and the toll keeps rising with each passing day. Hasty good byes and tears and hugs with names and faces that ten months ago you struggled to remember. Some will be back in the coming months as the next semester gears up. Some I may very well never see again so wide as this great big ole world is.
It was an emotional day today and I was not prepared for it. I proctored my last exam today, with a class of my beloved Conversation sophomores whom I have taught for the entire year. Perhaps what most nearly broke my heart was the flood of gifts left on my desk all day long. Something like Christmas in March, I’d say. I am now the proud owner of several pairs of earrings, a Turkish whirling dervish, an adorable keepsake notebook, a Thailand commemorative elephant placard, a headband, and a beaded cloth necklace. Oh, kids.
I’m confused, befuddled, perplexed, baffled on so many levels I can’t describe it all. I have loved teaching this year, absolutely loved it. It’s energizing and exhausting, it’s harrowing and humbling, it’s inspiring and enervating-- it’s amazing. Getting to not only know, but touch the lives of so many young individuals. Being given a torch and told to run the race, I am both awed and honored to have performed the job I have been able to perform. But what will become of me now? Do I ride the wave out for another semester, keep plugging away at those midterms and devising crazy classroom schemes to keep students engaged? Do I tuck tail and hurry home, back to “the real world” where everything is silk ties and starched skirts? Do I bury myself in a load of books once more, reliving the Princeton days grad style? And Asia? What of Asia? Do I seek high and seek low for the next opportunity that will fall in my lap or do I hold tight to the bonds and connections I’ve formed here, dig myself into the cocoon of Chiang Mai and keep breathing that fresh Northern Thailand air? Where do you go from here?
As one of my young girls sat in front of me, salty tears streaming down her face, she asked: “Will I ever see you again?” “Of course,” I hastily replied. Of course. Yes, of course. Right?
“See you later, alligator,” she managed with a weak smile.
“After while, crocodile."
I held back my tears.
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